Finally, I’ve come to understand what my soul truly wanted.
My soul wanted to stop being a lonely fortress and learn to be a warm home, to be valued not for its strength, but for its presence and the contribution it makes to the lives of others.
For so long, it had felt that its worth depended on how much it did, how much it endured, and how much it carried. It got used to earning love through achievement. But it is tired of that. It just wants to be loved simply for existing, so that being around it feels good, not because it solved a problem, but simply because it is there.
I feel as though my soul has spent lifetimes in solitude, self-reliance, and carrying responsibility alone, both in this life and in past ones. Now, it no longer wants to be alone. It has had enough of that isolation. It wants to be part of something living: a family, a team, a community, where it is not carrying the whole weight on its shoulders, but sharing the journey with others.
I also feel that my soul wanted to heal: to heal through words, through presence, through silence, through guidance, and through example. It wanted to be healed itself. It came here to move through crises, pull people out of the darkness, and show them the way. It did not just want to help, it wanted to undergo its own transformation and become living proof that you can not only pull yourself out of any pit, but also create whatever life you choose.
In past lives, my personality was cold, hard, and closed off. Now, my soul craves softness, care, and tenderness. It wants to learn how to hug, comfort, and just be there for someone.
More than anything, my soul wanted to find… a home. Not in the sense of a house or property, but in the sense of inner peace. To finally stop running from itself, to relax, breathe out, and feel safe. Not because everything is under control, but because it trusts the world and is harmoniously woven into it through love, gratitude, presence, and warm, soulful connections with many people.
My soul wanted its power to serve love. It holds immense power, but for a long time, that power without love destroyed everything around it. Now, it does not want to get stronger, it wants to direct that strength toward protecting and building. Not to rule, but to make the world around it safer and warmer.
It no longer wants to live in survival mode, wear the mask of an iron man, or die in solitude surrounded by accomplishments without people who truly know and love it.
All my life, I fought against how my soul expressed itself through me, helping people and showing them the light at the end of the tunnel. It helped them dive into the deepest parts of their subconscious because it feared nothing, having walked that long path itself and illuminated even its darkest corners.
As I channeled these energies throughout my life, I felt these quiet inner promptings, but I often resisted them. Under the influence of modern psychology, I thought I was overstepping, helping when no one asked, and sacrificing my own well-being… I thought I was just trying to earn love, recognition, and validation, but in reality, these were the subtle, quiet desires of my soul -to serve others.
My soul wanted to love and be loved. It longed for a soulful warmth it had not felt in a very long time. And it entered a family that lacked warmth and affection.
Then my soul met my wife, someone whose every fiber seemed to be filled with love for me. She tried to teach me how to love, how to give and receive affection, how to enjoy life, and how to build warm, friendly relationships with others. In the end, she taught me how to hug, how not to flinch at touch, and how to trust completely. She put aside many of her own interests for me and created a space of harmony around us, showing me that there is another side to life, one full of warmth, love, encouraging words, faith, and unconditional presence. A space where you do not have to be prickly like a hedgehog or defend yourself by attacking everyone who comes close.
My soul finally wanted to shed this multi-layered, armored defense system that controlled everything and everyone and kept people at a distance.
And at some point, that defense system was finally broken.
