SCHMERZHAFTE LOYALITÄT - Ahnenklärung

At first, I didn’t realize how deeply loyalty to my ancestors was written into my natal chart. It created my main inner conflict: a split between my personal growth and a vague sense of ancestral duty.

Everything began when I became aware of my unconscious loyalty to the pain of my ancestors, especially pain connected with deprivation. I saw how this was linked to ancestral wounds - loss of land, property, and stability. I already wrote about this in my feedback on working with DM RECEIVING THE LAND. There were also unresolved debts in the family, unfair inheritance divisions, and a feeling that I had to restore justice in ancestral finances, even when it didn’t directly concern me.

Inside me, there was a belief: “I am not allowed to have more than they did.” This quietly sabotaged my financial well-being.

There was also a darker, suppressed loyalty - loyalty to an ancestral curse connected with career failure, loss of status, and public shame. From time to time, my ancestors lived through these scenarios, and I went through them twice as well. At the very beginning of my career, I was very successful and moved up extremely fast. But when it was time to go much higher, I suddenly quit everything. Now I understand that this was an unconscious fear of my own success - and it was not truly mine, but ancestral.

There were many other things I noticed throughout my life.

For example, I felt guilty if I lived better than my father or succeeded more than he did. It was hard for me to spend money on myself, but easy to spend it on my family.

I also had a strong, unexplained sense of obligation, as if I constantly owed something to someone. This feeling of “duty” only left me after working with the mandala DM: Clearing Ancestral Debts.

I needed my parents’ approval for important decisions. There was a feeling that I was choosing not for myself, but “for the family.” In the first few days after working with the mandala, while remembering my conversations with my mother, I realized that I didn’t even choose my wife myself - my mother chose a person for me. (“My mom asked if it was possible to take that girl away from her boyfriend.”)

This was a very powerful emotional insight.

Now, about the results

Before, money was connected with anxiety, duty, and a feeling of “this is not mine.” There was fear of large sums, unconscious income sabotage, and a sense that wealth meant betraying the family. I also realized that I had already lived through the scenario “money is gained and then lost” at a young age. Saving and investing felt psychologically impossible. In my family, money was often taken away, so it felt safer not to have money than to lose it. Now I easily accept money as neutral energy. I feel a legitimate right to own it. I have an inner permission to charge large sums for my work without guilt. Money no longer feels “dirty” or dangerous

Before, I constantly felt the need to prove to my father and mother that I was worthy, that I “deserved” something. Now I simply do what is important and interesting to me. This need to prove myself has disappeared

Earlier, making decisions was painful because of questions like: “What will my parents say?”. Now these doubts are gone. I choose what is best for me.

The most personal and powerful changes:

I stopped “saving” my family members. Before, if someone got sick, I immediately went into “I must fix everything” mode - forcing energy practices, advice, healing. There was a strong feeling: “I MUST do everything so that my mother is healthy.” I confused care with obligation. Now I give support only when I am asked, and only in the amount that feels comfortable for me

I put myself first - even in relationships with the closest people. As a Virgo (a sign of service), I used to enjoy helping others. But most of my service was distorted and harmful to me. I did a lot for free, thinking it was normal. This obsessive need “to be useful” has disappeared. Now my choices and my boundaries come first

I learned to say “no” to my parents. Before it was: “Mom said it - so we do it.” Now I can calmly say: “I don’t like this. I won’t do it”

While studying Access Consciousness, we were always told that 90-95% of emotions and feelings we experience are not ours. But of course, I didn’t believe in that ))

Now I clearly realized that many emotions I thought were mine all my life were actually my mother’s emotions. I was trying to save her, believing it would make things easier for her. Now I am not responsible for what she feels. I can easily say things she doesn’t like to hear. I can also clearly say that I don’t want to discuss topics she tries to bring up - for example, talking about how bad my father was or what mistakes he made.

This mandala is more than therapy. It feels like gaining sovereignty. And if you are just starting your healing journey - or the journey of healing relationships with your parents and your family line - this ma...

When I was a little girl, many of my family members shared their problems with me. Being a highly sensitive empath, I absorbed their pain unconsciously, along with patterns that caused their suffering.
In adult life, I repeated many of them. Sometimes, in a hard way, sometimes, less dramatically. I feel relieved when working in this field. I don't want to spend the rest of my life dealing with the consequences of mistakes that I didn't make.

I was very loyal to my family, even when it was toxic, and it hurt. No healthy boundaries between us. There is a forced acceptance of shitty behaviour in all of us by simply stating, "This is your family, you can't turn your back away. You are not allowed to choose yourself, it is selfish". We all have that toxic loyalty pattern.
Not even a single marriage was based on love. No role models.

Every day, I feel like there is less burden on my shoulders. When I notice a pattern, I play audio with the intention, "This is no longer mine. I return it where it belongs." However, some of them need a deeper approach and a bit of time. It also makes me feel more love for my family, but in a healthy way. They, too, carried ancestral shit that didn't belong to them, and they had no tools to deal with that. So it removes toxicity and brings compassion to another level.

Awesome work!